Armchair Quarterbacks

The election is over. It has been for some time now. I watch the "news" on television, read up on events via the internet, and I'm certain that the election is, in fact, over. Yet for some reason or another the whines and moans from the left seem to be getting louder rather than softer. Seems to me that they had their chance, three and a half years of chances, but they lost. Plain and simple. Blame it on the voter turnout, blame it on the same sex marriage issue, blame it on the Red Sox winning the Pennant if you like, the fact of the matter is that they lost (and their candidate CONCEDED DEFEAT). When/if there is a Democratic candidate elected president you can bet I'll voice some concerns, most Republicans would, but any whining three or four months after the fact just seems....well...girly. Roll with the punches for crying out loud. When your favorite team loses the championship they don't whine about it for the rest of the off-season, they go out and sign some recruits, work a little harder in practice, find a quarterback that doesn't look like Herman Munster and prepare for the next game. I'd like to see more of that. Whether you're a right wing nut or a left wing hippie we're all Americans in the end, it's just not in our nature to take losing well. Just know this; a commentator never won a Superbowl for their team, a cheerleader never hit the game-winning home run, and a whiner never won an election.

Only When You're in a Hurry

We're living in the 21st century. A century full of technological advancements that boggle the mind. People from opposite ends of the world can talk over the internet instantly. We've visited the moon multiple times, and we're looking to visit Mars. Advancements in medicine have lengthened the average life expectancy by decades. That being said, I still manage to get behind someone on the road going 10 miles an hour. Motor vehicles have been around since the 20's, so it's not like driving is something new. It's not difficult either. You get in, start it, put it in gear, then stay under 100 mph and between the mailboxes while avoiding other traffic. It's just that simple. Yet, amazingly enough, there are still those who don't feel "comfortable" driving the speed limit. Here's a thought; if you don't feel comfortable going 40 in a 45, catch the bus. What strikes me as the greatest irony of all though is that you would think the longer you've been driving the faster you'd drive. Wrong. Why is it that a 16 year old can drive the speed limit after driving for 2 months, while the person who's been driving for 50 years needs to drive 30 on the highway? It's a beating, pure and simple. I reached boiling point this morning. I found myself driving to work with 10 minutes to spare. It takes roughly 2 minutes to make it from my house to my office. I have ample time to stop for breakfast, right? I pulled onto main street and made my way to the donut shop. It begins. I get behind two people (taking up both lanes) going 20 in a 45. I ignore this as best I can and roll into the drive through. 6 minutes later the Suburban in front of me finally receives every donut on the shelf and pulls out, only to stop a half car-length later, effectively blocking the drive through window. They're checking to make sure that they got all 34 dozen donut holes. My rage-O-meter begins to peg out. I finally make my order and hit the road, running very short on time. Then it happens. A Buick in one lane, the donut ravaging Suburban in the other, both driving 17 miles per hour. I start to see red, the few muscles I have begin to twitch, the vein in my forehead begins to throb, one hand slides to the horn, the other prepares to let fly with the bird of expression. It's 7:32, I'm officially late. I eye the turning lane, then the shoulder, contemplating a pass, then decide against it. Surely one of them must be turning soon....surely. Negative. Both drive all the way to my office and beyond. I pull in, collect myself, and open the door. Friends, neighbors, countrymen I emplore you, something must be done. There must be a way. Cars have governors to keep them from driving faster than 100 or so miles per hour, why not a low speed governor? Why not a shock collar that activates when you drop 10 miles below the speed limit? Ever watch the movie "Speed"? Come on people, if we pull together and stand united we can win the fight against the slowinization of America. Work with me here.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year?

Well it's that time again. Christmas. It seems to start earlier every year. I'm not a very patient person; slow traffic upsets me, slow computers upset me, and ten mile long slow checkout lines enrage me. There's at least 15 check-out lanes in most large stores, yet for some reason at least five of them are closed during the holidays. It doesn't make any sense....or does it? Think about it for a second. You're standing in line with a cart full of items, five minutes pass, then ten, then you see something that someone else is buying and you want that, or you remember someone else you have to shop for and you step out of line to do that. It all makes perfect business sense, the longer you're in line, the more you'll buy. You might say to yourself "I won't wait 20 minutes in any line, I'll shop somewhere else." Will you? Where? Every store in America is packed to the brim with people. They've got you by the preverbial cojones. I suppose it's all worth it though...I mean, if you don't stand in line to buy gifts, you wimp out and buy everyone underwear and socks with a nice card, what do you think you'll be getting next year? It's a vicious cycle, but in the end, when you're sitting next to the tree trying to assemble something (with instructions in French and Taiwanese only) you can be sure the 15 hours waiting in line weren't a complete waste of time. Then you have eleven months (or ten if the trend continues) to recouperate. Oh, and if you were planning on buying me underwear and socks for Christmas this year, save the money, I've got three pairs of both, that should last me another two or three years.