Greatest Answer Ever?

Hello all. Thought I might drop in and make a post, as it's Thursday evening and anything worth watching on TV is done. Earlier this week I saw General Honore, the new commanding officer in the New Orleans area, talking to reporters about the upcoming storm. He explained that he was there to talk about the upcoming threat of Hurricane Rita, not what happened two weeks ago. So, what did the news media on the scene ask him about? Hurricane Katrina related topics. What followed was the greatest answer ever given to the media, about the media, for the media. The answer..."I'm not answering that, you're stuck on stupid." I love it. It has so many applications in my day to day life, and there's just no rebuttal to it. You tell someone that they're "stuck on stupid" what can they say? Hopefully it will induce a bit of introspection on their part. "What caused him to say that?" they might ask, then, if they dislodge themselves from their stupor, they'll find the answer. I'm thinking of using it on any question I don't want to answer, not just stupid questions. For example "Do you want paper or plastic?" Take a guess, I've been coming to your register for four years now, and I've chosen paper every time, what do you think?- That would have been the answer, but not anymore. Then there's this little gem "Would you like any salt, pepper or ketchup?" Who doesn't want one or all of those things with a meal? I've ordered french fries, so hell yes I want ketchup. Ok, "you're stuck on stupid" may not be the nicest thing to say to people, and it saddens me to have to use it (or does it), but is it wrong to point out less than intelligent questions? I say no. I say that we've been appeasing and coddling the slow witted for too long. Everyone gets a ribbon at the spelling bee for participation...and why? So little Johnny doesn't feel like a mo-ron. When I was young, and did something stupid, I was politely informed that it was, well, stupid. What did I do? I learned about why it was stupid, then moved on. After years of that, you gain something valuable...Intelligence. Too many times people are rewarded for mediocrity, and that constant praise for the less than meritable softens a person. The real world doesn't care if you almost spelled "Cacophony" right, they don't care if you get to work on time every morning (that's part of the job), they care when real work is done and real breakthroughs are made. That leaves people of my generation dissatisfied with their jobs, they feel that no one appreciates them because no one has given them the 5th place ribbon. So I say to you, use "stuck on stupid" liberally (only time you'll see the world "liberal" here), do your fellow man a favor. I know I will.

Not as windy as advertised...

A few weeks ago I spent quite a bit of time in the Midwest. Chicago, Milwaukee, Green Bay, and Cedar Rapids...Three states in one day (twice). Quite the long trip, and I've got another exciting trip to North Carolina coming up next week. I don't do much traveling in the south for some reason. I don't mind the north too much, don't really mind the east coast...Just two problems really; The food and the ridicule of my Texan drawl. Seems like the further north I go, the less people season their food. Yankees, what's up with that? You've got access to the same stuff, why not throw some cayenne pepper on those steaks? Little salt on the potatoes? Something, anything to give that food a kick. And please, please stop cooking mexican food. As a general rule I try not to eat mexican food any further north than Oklahoma, it's just not right. Case in point, Milwaukee. I'm in a nice restaurant, the waitress brings me the menu and informs me of their specials. Among these "specials" is the fajitas. I think back to my rule about mexican food, then disregard it. Mistake. They bring me my beef fajitas, which consist of the following ingredients (in their entirety):

A) Beef
B) Onions
C) That's it.

That's right. No bell peppers, no jalapenos, no seasoning, AND NO TORTILLAS. That's a pretty integral part of the fajita plate. Without tortillas it's just meat. It'd be like ordering tacos and getting ground beef on a plate, or ordering a hot dog and only getting the wiener...IT JUST DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. My mind was blown. Surely this lack of tortillas was a mistake. I ask the waitress "Ma'am, could you bring me the tortillas?" She looked at me like a confused puppy. "tortillas?" She asked. "You know, round, flat, flour tortillas...You put the meat in them." My plea fell on deaf and dumb ears. I may as well have asked for turd pie. She had no clue. So, mexican food up north rule...Reinforced.

The Texan drawl thing gets me into more trouble than anything. I consult with people from all walks of life. From the board room to the mechanic, all with differing opinions on my dialect. The people from the board room think I'm a moron, and the mechanics think I want to fight. I am, and I want neither. I've tried to acclimate my accent depending on the region I'm in, but I gave up. I just couldn't force myself to say "Wisscaaansin". I try to limit my Texan sayings though, like "fixin-to". It's a freakin verb in my part of the country, everyone says it. Heck, the English teachers make us conjugate it. Example "We're fixin-to go to the store". It just fits. What do you want me to say "We're getting ready to go to the store"? I think not. It was also pointed out to me that I say "Awright" instead of "All Right". Little things like that make me happy to come back home. Why can't they send me to Alabama, or Georgia, or Tennessee. I have all of my teeth, a high school diploma, and a family tree that has more than two branches, I'd be freakin royalty. But nay, they send me up north to be put to sleep by the food, and persecuted for my sexy Texan accent. Go figure.

Chicago Skyline.
ME

Right Wing Weather Machine?

Over the past week I've spent many hours watching the disaster in New Orleans. There is no doubt that this will go down in US history as one of the worst natural disasters of all time. It's brought out the best, and the worst, in all who have been involved. We've seen heroic rescues, opportunistic criminal activity, and tragic loss...But I keep coming back to one glaring question: Why? Why were there this many people in the city when Katrina made landfall? I've heard plenty of excuses, some of which are valid (of course the sick and elderly would have a tough time getting out). I've heard that because people were poor, they had no transportation, and thus they couldn't leave. Here's the problem with that. Let's say that I had 48 hours to leave a city, 48 hours until a massive hurricane (one that has been touted as being incredibly destructive) hits my city. Now lets say that I don't have a car. Mankind has been blessed with built in transportation devices called "legs". I don't want to sound cold, but if I thought my life was in danger, I wouldn't mind hoofing it several miles to get out of harms way. It's becoming widely known that the New Orleans evacuation plan was left wanting, and that officials did not want to have to issue a "mandatory evacuation", and now we see the results. As expected, people are starting the blame game. The left has blamed Bush for not acting quickly enough, the greens have blamed Bush for not signing the Kyoto treaty, and the Mayor of New Orleans has blamed everyone under the sun. Let's make something clear, hurricanes occur naturally, many times a year, and have done so for thousands of years. Don't let Bush off the hook yet though, it is possible that Karl Rove has developed a time machine that has allowed Bush to travel through time and spur these hurricanes with the magical R.W.W.M. (Right wing weather machine). They are a devious lot, and we know that Rove, being a dark Jedi master, has access to such technology. The argument that the hurricane was caused by global warming is the biggest, smelliest, steaming pile that I've heard in some time. Prove it. Even if, by some chance, it was caused or intensified by global warming, do you really think signing the Kyoto treaty would have helped? Believe it or not, the USA is not the leading polluter on this earth, look to the far east for those culprits. It would appear that disaster relief was slow to start, but don't blame the president for that. It is the governors responsibility to deploy national guardsmen (it's actually a law, otherwise the president could declare martial law anywhere, at any time). It's sickening to see these political games being played out while people are still in the water, common decency is a thing of the past. Why can't everyone just acknowledge that this was a terrible disaster, then move forward in the reconstruction process? As looney as it sounds, New Orleans does need to be rebuilt. Even though it's below sea level, and is a stones throw from the sea (no doubt a bad combination) it is a major business hub for the US. Granted, it will take considerable time and money to rebuild, but labor should not be an issue. There are going to be thousands of people out of work in the New Orleans area, what would be better than hiring these people on to rebuild their own city. I believe it would instill a pride in the residents of New Orleans like they've never known. If you pour your own blood, sweat, and tears into something you have that much more respect for it, and in our day, respect is something that's in short supply.