Election Day Rant...Updated

Update: Well...here we are. Mark this down as a historic night for America. We have elected our first African American president, and for that I am proud.

I am not, however, proud of the ideals that were elected. America voted the "hip" guy into office. Have we, as a nation, digressed to the point where the presidential race has become American Idol 2.0? I hope not, but I fear so. They say that the pain induced by Jimmy Carter gave us Ronald Reagan, and I believe that in fifteen years we'll be saying the same thing about Obama. Who will be the next Reagan? There's no way to tell.

So at this point we as conservatives must ask ourselves a few questions: Why did we lose, and what can we do to win in future elections? To me, the answer simply boils down to this...the Republican party became "democrat lite". The dividing line between the two parties has been blurred so severely that few Americans can differentiate between them. We were the party of low taxes, free trade, upholding the constitution, and morality. Until we return to those positions, we are doomed to fail.

The worst possible move that we as a party could make would be to read this election as a sign that we should move closer to the "center". The complete opposite is true. We must redefine ourselves. We must view this as a time for purging the corruption and mediocrity that has crept in to our party like a thief in the night.

We must be different. We must be prepared when the country needs us...and that time will soon be at hand.

This needs to start immediately. Let me kick things off...a prerequisite for future Republican candidates: No lawyers.

On a related note, and potentially the silver lining here, we are now in the position that the democrats have been in for a few years. Why is that a silver lining? Because now it's our turn to be a pain in the ass. Now it's our turn to criticize their chosen one at the drop of a hat, to piss and moan and whine when things don't go our way.

But we won't do that. We won't take that low road. That's not to say that we won't be a pain in their ass, I expect nothing less, but we'll do so by being the voice of reason. We'll be the people who point out that America can't run its engines on hope and unicorn farts, that you can't cut taxes in one breath and spend trillions with the next.

Will it be easy? No, I expect it won't. I expect that things will get far worse before they get better. But they will get better. America has contracted a progressive mental disorder over the past few years. Tonight we see that instead of taking medicine to cure the disease, some in the country took the lollipop and ignored the ailment.

Mark my words, though they may be from the mouth of a no name mid-twenties Texan, we will be that cure. Pray that by the time our fellow countrymen are prepared for the medicine, we'll have prepared to be it.

_________________________________


Yeah...I know I haven't posted anything in months, would you believe I've been busy? No? How about that I just didn't have anything worth putting to paper (or keyboard)? But today is different. Today is important. Today could mark a turning point in the direction our country is headed…will we choose a war hero, or a defeatist. Will we choose a battle tested enemy of terrorists, or a man who wishes to sit down and have tea with them. Will we choose capitalism and democracy, or socialism and authoritarianism. These are our choices.

Now, for the rant portion of this post. The American people, as a whole, have been fleeced. The blame for this lies mostly with the media, who have willingly omitted damning evidence against Obama. There is a veritable laundry list of illegal dealings, shady ties, and outright socialist statements that have been either underplayed, or completely ignored. There was a time, though I may be too young to fully appreciate it, when the media coverage had a modicum of evenhandedness. That time has come and gone. For the most part, the American media wants Obama, and they’ve sold their souls to get him. It would serve us well as a country if we remember this, no matter who wins or loses the election.

I will be the first to say that McCain was (and is) not my favorite Republican candidate. He’s soft on many issues I find to be important. That being said, my choice for president is unbelievably easy. I don’t like paying taxes. I don’t want the government to control any more that what they already do. I don’t want to wave a white flag in the middle of two wars. I don’t want to pay more for electricity because the president and congress think they should force us into conservation.

How lazy, how slow, how blind must a person be to vote for Obama? What has he promised that will make up for his obvious faults? National heathcare? The government can’t manage a disaster, but they’re going to manage the healthcare for millions? Alternative energy? It’s already being worked on, his plan would just make it impossible to afford the energy we have, thus leaving us with no alternative. Tax cuts for 95% of us? How are you going to nationalize healthcare and spend billions on alternative energy and not RAISE taxes on everyone? You can’t. So either he’s lying about what he’s going to do on healthcare and energy, or he’s lying about taxes…bottom line is that he’s a liar.

He is equivalent to the “cool uncle” at your family reunion. He’s the one that’ll give you a beer when you’re not old enough to drink. He’ll tell you a dirty joke or two. You think to yourself “Man, wouldn’t it be great to live with that guy?” So you spend a week with him and his family one summer. He doesn’t work, you’re eating ramen noodles with hotdogs in them, and you can’t wait to get back home. Sure you have to work at home, but at least you’re not living off of government cheese and off-brand menthol cigarettes.

I don’t know how the election will turn out today, and either way it goes I feel confident that America will survive, but if we make the wrong decision today America will be damaged. We were founded on a few basic principles, our constitution guarantees them. Obama doesn’t agree with our constitution, with our national anthem, with our way of life period. Why elect someone who so hates this country to RUN this country? Should the worst happen, and the piss-ignorant rule the day, I hope that I am proven wrong. I hope that the “Hope and Change” Obama speaks of isn’t an analogy for the “Hammer and Sickle”.

So, go to the polls, it’s your God given and Constitutionally enforced right. Vote for substance, not buzz words and pseudo-socialism. Vote for strength, not defeat. Vote for John McCain, because a vote for anyone else nigh guarantees that we will pay a terrible price for poor decisions.

So until tomorrow (unless Obama is elected, at which point I may be “censored”), go and vote (unless you’re an idiot, or lazy, or commie, or all three). Let’s hope that the sun shines on our party, and God help America if it doesn’t.

Fun with Telemarketers...Volume 1...Updated with Audio

I work in technical support. When I'm not on the road, I'm in the office answering phones. Anyone who answers the phone a great deal can understand how frustrating it can be when you pick up the line and find a telemarketer at the other end of the line. Some in my department hang up, others press zero and proceed to lambaste the person at the other end of the line with "THIS IS AN OFFICE" type remark. I find both to be less than effective. My method involves keeping them on the line as long as possible, leading them on and causing mass confusion. I've started recording these sessions, and I'll post them as soon as I can edit them (I do keep them on hold a great deal) and clean them up. Until then, here's a bit of a transcript from the last call.

Telemarketer: Someone Selling Extended Car Warranties
February 2008

TM Corey: Good afternoon Mr. Simpson (I gave them the name James Simpson).

Me: Uh, yeah, who's this? Colby?

TM Corey: Uh, no sir, it's Corey.

Me: Oh, OK. What can you tell me about this insurance Colby?

TM Corey: Corey. It's not insurance, actually it's extended warranty. What is the make and model of your current vehicle?

Me: I have a 1981 Buick Century.

TM Corey: Um, OK, a 1981 Buick Century?

Me: Yeah.

TM Corey: OK, and how many miles are on the Century Mr. Simpson?

Me: Oh, I'm not sure, let me check....

(Here I placed him on hold for approximately 10 minutes)

Me: Corby?

TM Corey: Yes?

Me: OK, there's 172, 348 miles on it.

TM Corey: OK...

Me: But now, I can't be sure whether that number is right. My son used to drive it when he shouldn't, so he'd drive it out and then drive it home in reverse so that the miles would roll back.

TM Corey: That works?

Me: I'm sure it does...why would he lie about lying to me?

TM Corey: Um, OK, so you're not sure about the miles?

Me: Not really, no.

TM Corey: OK, and are there any mechanical problems with the car?

Me: Well, no. I mean, someone stole the catalytic converter off it.

TM Corey: (sounding confused) They stole your catalytic converter?

Me: Hell yes. The guy was fast too. I tried to catch him.

TM Corey: You actually saw the guy do it?

Me: Yeah, but he was fast as hell.

TM Corey: OK, so the catalytic converter is missing. Are there any other issues with the vehicle?

Me: Well my son took it fishing, and he left some bait in the back of the car, so it stinks like hell. I don't guess that's a knock against it though. It's pretty cherry.

TM Corey: OK, yeah. It's cherry? OK. That is quite a few miles, let me transfer you to my shift manager Matt, uh, there's a lot of miles on this.

Me: OK Corby, thanks.

(Here they transfer me to another guy)

TM Matt: Good afternoon Mr. Simpson.

Me: Huh?

TM Matt: Good afternoon. I understand that you have a 1981 Buick Century with 172,000 miles?

Me: Yeah.

TM Matt: OK, well our system is designed to kick out anything that old automatically, however I see here that the car is in good condition.

Me: Yeah, except for the missing catalytic converter.

TM Matt: A missing...OK. Well I'm going to go ahead an approve this and transfer you back to Corey. Just let him know that I approved this OK?

(Transferred back to Corey)

TM Corey: Hello, Mr. Simpson?

Me: Corby?

TM Corey: Corey, yes. I see that they approved your warranty status. Could you get me the Vehicle Identification Number from your car?

Me: Oh, yeah sure, hang on.

(Another ten minute hold)

Me: OK, that number is K92GB1

TM Corey: That's the number from your VIN plate?

Me: Yep, that's the number from my ID plate.

TM Corey: Well, um, are you sure that's not your license plate number?

Me: Yeah, right, the vehicle ID plate.

(Here I argue with him about the vehicle ID Plate for several minutes)

Me: OK, well this is getting frustrating. You aught to be happy that I'm still on the phone after the derogatory name that the other guy called me.

TM Corey: Matt called you a derogatory name?

Me: Yes he did.

TM Corey: OK, and what did he call you?

Me: I think he called me a Jap.

TM Corey: He called you a...um...are you sure you weren't mistaken?

Me: Are you calling me a liar?

TM Corey: Um, no...no sir. I think you may be mistaken though, I don't think he called you a Jap.

Me: Well OK.

TM Corey: OK well we need the VIN number from the vehicle.

Me: Well Colby, lets get down to the proverbial nut cutting. How much does this insurance cost me?

TM Corey: It's not insurance sir, its warranty, and we can get you started for just three ninety-nine.

Me: OK, three dollars and ninety-nine cents. Sounds reasonable. Does that cover tires?

TM Corey: Uh, no, three HUNDRED and ninety-nine dollars. The warranty covers your drive train and non replaceable parts.

Me: Huh. Well you know it doesn't have a stock engine in it.

TM Corey: It has a new engine?

Me: Well not new, my son dropped an engine out of a 1992 Chevy pickup in it.

TM Corey: He put a pickup engine in it? That's not even possible.

Me: Damn sure is, I'm looking out the window at it. It's fast as hell too. Can't keep tires on it.

TM Corey: Um, oh, well so would you like to put the 399.00 on a credit card or check?

Me: I'd like to put in on a credit card, but my old lady charged them all up before she passed.

TM Corey: Oh, uh, I'm sorry to hear that. So you'll pay by check?

Me: Well, I'm not sure I can afford that.

TM Corey: OK, well let me transfer you to our finance department, he should be able to help you with that.

(transferred to some other guy, not sure of his name)

TM Finance: Good afternoon Mr. Simpson, I understand that 399 is a little too much for your budget.

Me: Yeah, I'm not sure the social security check could cover that.

TM Finance: Well could you cover the cost of repairs?

Me: Well yeah, it's got a good engine in it, from a 1992 Chevy Pickup.

TM Finance: It has a Chevy Pickup engine in it?

Me: Yeah.

TM Finance: Um, OK well I can work with you on this, we can start out at 199 and then pick up with payments...

Me: I'm not sure you're following here. If the insurance was five dollars and a sack full of kitty cats I still couldn't pay you the five dollars.

TM Finance: (unsettled, and catching on) Well, unfortunately we don't take sacks full of kitty cats. We used to, but there was an issue with their claws damaging the scanners...

Me: That is, quite possibly, the wildest-assed thing I've ever heard.

TM Finance: (laughing) Yeah, well, sir I'd like to take kitty cats, I'm old school, but it's got to be a check.

Me: Well the other guy called me a Jap.

TM Finance: (Taken aback) He called you a Jap?

Me: Yeah.

TM Finance: No he didn't.

Me: Damn sure did, and now you're calling me a liar, which is as bad as calling me a Jap.

TM Finance: I'm not calling you a liar, but I don't think he called you a Jap. Your name is Simpson sir, how could he...I mean, he wouldn't even associate that name with Jap.

Me: NOW YOU'RE CALLING ME A JAP?!

TM Finance: No, uh, no sir.

Me: Ok.

TM Finance: Sir, I need the VIN number on the vehicle so we can move forward. It should be on your insurance card.

Me: Well it doesn't have any insurance, that's why I'm talking to you.

TM Finance: It doesn't have insurance? Well if you get pulled over you'll get a ticket.

Me: That's if they can catch me. That car is fast as hell.

TM Finance: Oh, right, I forgot how fast you said it was.




There are several more minutes of this. All totaled the call went on for near 40 minutes. I just don't feel up to typing it all out now. Hopefully I'll have the audio here within the week for all to enjoy. Until then...

Any Takers?

New bumper sticker. Should be cheap. You know you want one.