Razorwire Cayenne

I travel...a lot. East coast, west coast, the Great Lakes states, the gulf states, everywhere. The one constant that I've encountered is that the toiletries hotel's stock these days are made for 14 year old girls. All of them. Doesn't matter what hotel, doesn't matter where, they're all ridiculously perfumed. Let's run down what lavish scents I have at my disposal tonight:

Coconut Lime Verbena
Lemongrass Sage
Warm Vanilla Sugar

If I were to bathe with any of these items I'd come out smelling like a woman in a cat-house. Sadly, I have little choice here. I could refrain from bathing, which at this point is a viable option. Think about it, if you're talking to a 25 year old man and he smells like BO and musk you'd probably think "that guy needs a shower." I can live with that, it almost implies that you've been working. If you talk to the same man, and he smells like Coconut Lime Verbena, you're going to think "that guy probably knows Andy Dick." And just what in the hell is Verbena? Who decided that it smelled nice enough to mix it with Coconuts and Limes? And why Coconuts and Limes? Why not tiger-lilies and unicorn farts? Give that fragrance a whirl.

All I'm saying is that I'd like a choice here. I've got to think that there's at least a 50/50 split between men and women staying at hotels. Give us some options. Instead of Lemongrass Sage, how about some Razorwire Cayenne? That just sounds killer. "What's that smell? Kind of like a mexican food restaurant in the middle of a junk yard." You'd wear it. I know why we don't have that scent...because men don't complain about it. We get to the hotel, turn on the TV, set the AC down to -25 degrees, and do nothing. We wake up 10 minutes before we have to leave and shower in a complete fog. By the time we realize that we smell like a French prostitute we're in the middle of a meeting wondering why the guy in the loafers won't quit giving you the eye. Damn Verbena.